tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46857901696399038142024-03-13T13:49:06.156-07:00little bit | by hayley annHayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-41276474933930481472017-08-08T09:56:00.000-07:002017-08-08T09:56:41.770-07:00Moved // New Blog<div align="justify">
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<span style="text-align: center;">From now on you can find me over here: </span><a href="http://colourandclarity.co/" style="text-align: center;">Colour + Clarity</a></div>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-41455028666642931592015-10-08T18:07:00.000-07:002015-10-09T13:05:02.694-07:00creative process // reflections<div align="justify">
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Anyone that encourages intellectual, emotional, artistic and</i></span></b> <b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>spiritual growth is worth keeping. Don't let them go."</i></span></b></div>
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As a creative person, I knew that I would never truly be happy if I wasn't fulfilling part of my personality. But something happened, something shifted. Growing up I was full of confidence, no one could bring me down. Whether it was creating music, singing, acting, painting, photography, writing - I was always creating. My mother and father always nurtured my need to be creative. They always gave me every opportunity they could for me to have a creative outlet. My father would take me on photography trips where we would explore nature and both take our cameras. My mother was always pushing me to pursue my musical talents. They both individually gave me the courage and strength to be who I am, who I was meant to be. I never really noticed how lucky I was to have such supportive parents. I think it's common place now to see parents discouraging their children from pursuing their creative talents as a way of life, and instead treat them more like a hobby. It's actually very sad. </blockquote>
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I unfortunately got a glimpse of this after my parents had both passed away, and I was pursuing my career in design. Many of the adults in my life expressed their concern for the amount of money I would be making, and how hard it is. I had never received such advice from my family or my parents. I was always told to do what you love, and the rest will follow. This was the first ounce of discouragement I had ever received about my creative passions. This plagued me, brought me down, made me feel really, really awful. For the first time, I felt like a fool. In my previous relationship, I didn't feel emotionally supported. I couldn't really express how I was feeling because there wasn't really a way to do so. I fell into this long-term moment of suspended self-doubt. It's in moments like these that I cling to order and I found comfort in structure. Following the rules, order and structure turned off the creative side of my brain and I began losing myself. So, I got myself a job, a job for making money. And that's all that it was. I wasn't happy. At all.<br />
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It wasn't until the end of said relationship, that that part of me came up for air and rejuvenated itself. I woke up one morning, standing in my kitchen drinking my coffee, looking out the window and it just hit me. I remember this moment so very clearly. I had classical music playing in my living room, and for the first time in a long while, I felt quiet and still. Followed by the feeling as if, there was surge to my brain, and burst of inspiration. I remember saying to myself, "what am I doing?!" and then I felt crazy. I immediately went to my computer to start writing, I do this almost every day. I write. It's the only way I can release what's going on in my head sometimes, well that and running.<br />
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Anyways, I noticed what in my life had changed what brought about this change in me. I recalled the evening prior to this shift and I laughed. Brenton and I had just spent the whole weekend together. It was that weekend that I think we both really felt that there was something real there. It just happened so fast, and because we both had difficult past relationships we were both hesitant. However, it finally came to a point that we couldn't deny it anymore. He and I are so incredibly similar, more so than I have ever experienced. I remember one night we shared our dreams and aspirations and ours were so remarkably the same. That night he held me, and for the first time since I was little, I felt safe again. I don't exactly mean physical safety, but the kind of safety I had been lacking since my parents died. I knew I could trust this man with my heart and soul.<br />
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Since then, it has only gotten better. Brenton, who is also a designer, and I support and push and challenge each other creatively. We collaborate and trust each other. I had been lacking this and I couldn't even imagine how truly amazing it is to be in a relationship with such trust and support. Creative people are certainly their own type. And finding someone who complements that part of your personality is very important. My equal.<br />
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I never knew this was something that I was lacking, or needed until it hit me that one morning. It takes a long time for someone, or at least me, to figure out what I needed. This was just something I never knew I needed until it was no longer there and then had it's chance to appear to me.</blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-77579165723758910102015-09-17T18:05:00.000-07:002015-09-17T18:18:45.092-07:00colours & hues // reflections<div align="justify">
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I think it's safe to say that I sort of gave up on the whole blogging a few years back. I remember when I would post every single day. It's sweet to hear from those of you who wonder where I am, how I'm doing, what I'm doing. It warms my heart in so many ways. The thing is I'm just starting to figure things out after several years of coasting through life, pretending. It's been like waking from a really long and miserable dream. Sobering really. I know I'm better for it, but man it took every possible ounce of strength and courage I had left to finally confront the truth. To be perfectly honest, I'm still not really ready to talk about it in detail. I was hanging on to something that wasn't there. Ever. The most important thing I learned was if you're not true, and honest with yourself, and follow through with said truth -- you'll be sorry. You're basically living a lie. It's true, you might hurt someone, someone you don't mean to hurt. But in the end, you'll be honest with yourself.<br />
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I think that's what my lesson all boiled down to. Instead of confronting my truth, I coasted and settled. It was safer that way. Little did I know, I was losing a piece of myself every single minute. And by the time I figured out it was time to bring it all to a close, I had very little of myself to hold myself together with. It was my own fault. Stick up for yourself, don't mind what other people might think or say. If you know what you have to do, do it. And be happier with knowing you're doing what you desire to do.<br />
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I know this all very vague, and I apologize for that. I'm not trying to be dramatic. It's just, unfortunately, that's the way the internet works these days. I'm not about to air my dirty laundry and begin to name call. I don't know who still reads this.<br />
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However, I can tell you now, as I am writing this I am sitting next to the most wonderful man I have ever know/met (and of course Minnie is on the other side of me) and I am happier than I have been. I can't even explain this happiness. It made all the hardship and emotional agony that seemed self-inflicted worth it. And I can without a doubt know that I made the right choice in doing what I did. The universe works in mysterious ways. Truly.<br />
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In all the madness that I've lived through, and survived, one thing and one thing only rings true. That is that every thing really does happen for a reason, the way it should. I believe that. Also, every thing will work out, in the end it will. I was raised by a very selfless woman, who never complained, she must have bestowed this knowledge on to me. I try very hard not to dwell on things, or over analyze. There's really no point. Most of the time, life's struggles are out of our control.<br />
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I am a stronger and better person for the conflicts I've faced. Oddly, I am grateful for the experiences.<br />
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Also, there are some really exciting things on the horizon, and I cannot wait to start sharing things with you all again. And to those of you who have been supporting me over the last... decade, <i>thank you. </i></blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-40120279957216090582015-04-03T02:01:00.000-07:002015-04-03T02:05:54.725-07:00finer feelings // reflections<div align="justify">
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I've been known to be really hard on myself about meeting my own expectations and the expectations of others. I mean to the point of becoming depressed over it. Lately I started realizing, what's the point of doing that? I have these little pep talks with myself, like a coach before a big game, "Come on, Hayley... you've been through so much worse. Pull yourself together." Over the last six months I've become more attuned to my own self than I think I ever have. From a very early age I was caring for my little brother and my mother during a very trying and difficult time in her life (losing her mother and two sisters) and then years after through out her illness. I've always had to be the strong one for every one else. Developing my own self was the cost in which I paid for all that time spent. So, really I'm quite a late bloomer with this whole growing up thing. Although it has taken me a little longer than my peers, I have to say I am damn proud of where I stand today and damn proud of myself for being here. Small victories. I did it all on my own. It's a shame that we're seemingly wired to only dwell on the negative and let the positive roll off of us, but honestly, I think that's what makes us strong - we learn from our mistakes. I just need to remember to praise myself and thank my blessings a little more. It's too easy to get caught up in all the doom and gloom. </blockquote>
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I think it's safe to say that over the last few months I have done a lot of growing up. I've parted with baggage that I've held on to for over a decade and healed from it. It's time to start a new chapter and this one selfishly so, is all about me. Things are really looking up, I have a few amazing opportunities at my feet and I have an a amazing human being by my side. I couldn't be more happier. I feel lighter and happier than I have in years. </blockquote>
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Here's to listening to that little voice in your head and doing what you feel is right, no matter what. I now know what I want and I won't settle for less.</blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-24701567776557899972015-02-10T16:36:00.001-08:002015-02-10T16:47:46.413-08:00moment of clarity // reflections<div align="justify">
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How <i>he </i>captures me. </div>
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Where do I start? I suppose, <i>Happy New Year</i> is a good place to begin. I cannot even begin to describe the happiness I've been experiencing lately... </blockquote>
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The week before Christmas I experienced one of the lowest of emotional lows that I have ever felt. My loneliness swallowed me up, completely. It was the final rock bottom to cap off six months of continuous, torturous, emotional agony. From July until then I was just coasting, barely getting by my heart broken into pieces, nothing to hang on to. I was so broken, I lost fifteen pounds, I was wasting away. It took one final confrontation with my demons to set my spiral even further downward. It was a dark place to be. Through my own strength and the strength of my loved ones I persevered. It was in this reawakening that I started to push myself, push myself to find happiness - I refused to suffer any longer. And just like that... the day before Christmas Eve, I met <i>him</i>. </blockquote>
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I'm seriously floating on cloud nine with happiness and joy. I've never had such an effortless connection with someone in my entire life. We just click. He's kind, intelligent, makes me laugh, we're both designers (artistic minds) but most importantly, he makes me feel adored and worth being loved. I don't think I've ever been this smitten, honestly. </blockquote>
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I've made peace with my past, and my ghosts. They no longer have any hold over me. I've released <i>you.</i> Goodbye.</blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-5726392255150888722014-12-17T03:14:00.000-08:002014-12-17T03:16:35.344-08:00part of me // reflections<div align="justify">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">My Mother in Williamsburg '82. This is how I remember her, that big goofy smile - I can almost hear her laughter. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I've realized too, that I make that same goofy face. I can't even express how much I miss her.</span></div>
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<i>December 17, 2008. </i>Six years ago today, I lost my best friend, my mother and a huge part of myself. I remember getting a call from the hospital early in the morning, on the only night that I actually went home to try and sleep, they told me that there was a change in my mothers condition, that I should immediately come to the hospital. They could not share the details with me, and could not reach my stepfather who was working at the time. I called my brother and we rushed to the hospital, it must have been about five in the morning. I remember it all like a blur, my brother and I got into the elevator to head up to her room and my phone rang, "Hello?", it was my stepfather, "Hayley... She's. Gone." I looked at my brother and he just knew. The doors of the elevator closed as I let out a loud cry, and I collapsed. My brother held me and pulled me out of the elevator and I just sat there crying, shaking. I swear in that moment, a part of me just snapped - it died. I haven't been the same since. Two days after she slipped into a coma, she was gone. Up until then, we were talking about how she wanted to decorate for Christmas, the things she wanted to change in her life. She was doing better. I really had hope, then during the night her cancer spread almost tenfold and she was in a coma. The doctors were shocked, "I've never seen anything like this before". I knew then, she was going to pass on, but I never imagined how fast it could happen. </blockquote>
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Needless to say, on this day, along with November 3, the day I lost my father the year before, I'm not myself. Unfortunately, these dates are a part of who I am. I don't believe I will ever truly recover from the weight that these days carry on my soul, my being. Every one in my family shares in my pain on these anniversaries. The last person, I devoted my life, and my heart to completely neglected to remember, even when he lived through these days with me. Apparently, these events had no effect on him, I was alone in my suffering. He once told me that two years was long enough, that I had to get over it. I can't believe I put up with that. How disrespectful. I need someone who is strong enough to help me through my continuous battle with grief. I need to be supported emotionally, not criticized. I need someone who understands suffering, someone caring. I need a safe place to share my emotions, rather than hide them. I know I'll find it. </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-7230736827823965842014-11-16T22:41:00.000-08:002014-12-14T23:47:00.361-08:00colonial williamsburg // travels<div align="justify">
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<b>^ I am so proud to be their grand-daughter. </b></div>
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<blockquote>
Travel brings something out in me, it centers me, makes me feel smaller - humbles me. It's so easy to get caught up in our own worries and problems, to lose ourselves. I'm done playing the victim of heartache and betrayal. I want to feel something again, something real. And I think I've found it. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
I spent last weekend with my family in Colonial Williamsburg, VA. We had a lovely time together, a short trip, but well overdue. I miss my family so much. Williamsburg means so much to my family, it almost feels like home. My family is passionate about history, and about preserving it. I hope to carry on the tradition and share this wonderful place with my own family someday. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
On my return to Seattle, I suddenly, immediately became saddened with the overwhelming thought of there being absolutely nothing left keeping me here. In fact, it took me a while to shake that feeling. Now, however, I am excited about my future and what it may bring. </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-36226220055416980232014-10-03T00:30:00.001-07:002014-10-04T23:42:44.179-07:00piece by piece // reflections<div align="justify">
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<i> Shopping at Totokaelo</i> <br />
Photograph | <a href="http://www.talithaphotography.com/">Talitha Bullock</a></div>
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<blockquote>
During this period of extensive introspection, I've been getting to know myself a little better. I've spent so much energy being the person every one wanted me to be and not the person I truly am. It's inspiring to be like, "I want to do this!" ... and do it. How sad is that? Yep. Recently, I found the strength to read one of the journals that my mother kept and had been writing for me (and one for each of my brothers) since the day she found out she was pregnant with me to the the last couple of months of her life. They're truly such a beautiful gift, I hope to do the same for my children. One of her last entries, a final letter to me, she wrote about how she felt that I was stuck, that I'd never fully recover or grow close to anyone after her death. That it would shake me to the core. <i>It did.</i> It was then that I finally discovered that that was exactly what was my problem. I keep so much from people, how I truly feel, how I carry my grief with me, how I've been suffering with depression for most of my adult life. I've grown quite good at it - pretending I'm okay. I was okay with coasting, it seemed to work. Problem is, that person that people think they're getting to know, learning to love is not the real me - I have baggage. That's when the problems start. It's not fair of me, and I'm understanding that. Every one has their issues, and maybe I'm being too hard on myself. It's not that I am being another person, fake, I just haven't met anyone who's willing to stick around when I get emotional, share my story. They all run away, or can't handle it. These situations have trained my pretending-everything-is-okay tendencies. The truth is, no one is perfect and by pretending I'm okay, people feel like they cannot connect with me, fully. We connect with one another throughout shared experiences. I'm human, I have flaws. </blockquote>
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<iframe frameborder="no" height="100" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/82318549&color=878787&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false" width="100%"></iframe>Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-55172309011149082552014-09-02T02:17:00.000-07:002014-09-02T13:23:42.625-07:00enough is enough // thoughts<div align="justify">
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Photographs | <a href="http://talithaphotography.com/">Talitha Bullock</a></div>
<blockquote>
Oh hello, <span style="color: #ea9999;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf9dtrc26A"><span style="color: #ea9999;">September</span></a> </span>( <i>You're welcome. I couldn't help myself.)</i> I can't believe summer has flown by as quickly as it has. Faster than ever, that's for sure. I spent so much of it hanging on to old feelings, hurt and heartbroken. No fun. It's funny, since making the leap (letting go), it's almost like I have become more alive. I've rekindled many friendships, and made some really meaningful new ones. I'm realizing my own worth, my own strengths and what I need. I feel like I've grown over the last two months more than I have in the last six years. I'm free, truly on my own. Truly a fresh start. I feel inspired and liberated, yet slightly overwhelmed with excitement, <i>oh the possibilities!</i></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="color: #cccccc;"> "</span><span style="color: #ea9999;">I wish I had the courage not to fight and doubt everything. I wish, just once, I could say: ‘This. This is good enough.’</span><span style="color: #cccccc;">"</span></i><span style="color: #cccccc;"> - Chuck Palahniuk, </span><i style="color: #cccccc;">Choke</i></blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-852631069774776372014-08-18T20:01:00.001-07:002014-08-18T20:06:26.567-07:00growth // reflections<div align="justify">
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<blockquote>
It's so funny to me how many people ask me questions about or comment on my hair. If they only knew what a huge pain in the butt it is! People touch (more like pull on it) it on a weekly basis, I wish I was kidding. All throughout my childhood it was the absolute bane of my existence. I was teased left and right and bullied for having thick, curly hair. I cried on the school bus every morning. I was different. I was this tiny, skinny little kid with an enormous amount of curly hair. <i>Insert images of the little girl from Brave here.</i> I think I kept my hair up in a ponytail for most of my elementary years. My mom tried styling it, cutting it in so many different ways and still I'd get teased. It's taken me years, and I mean it, to finally let my hair grow and lay however it naturally wants. I think what happened was I just had to grow into it, embrace it. I just hope if I ever have a daughter that she takes after her father... </blockquote>
<blockquote>
& also, another song I haven't been able to stop listening to all summer.</blockquote>
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<iframe frameborder="no" height="100" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/120738399&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false" width="100%"></iframe>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-85554299144305930202014-08-12T15:33:00.001-07:002014-08-13T15:39:47.628-07:00there really is no place like home // thoughts<div align="justify">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUlyiDMwttz9CGmntI397a_9q7f6J6Hhyphenhyphena2HfBN5fsN8IAdrNnZ8DQBONtnUft6sXZvcozKc54DKTzmbpf4tOqLdMRg1171Sl2zIn77o8qyEwCMQ7yRa5woyBIIjJ6g8kP7sBzRGpwnn4M/s1600/rose.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUlyiDMwttz9CGmntI397a_9q7f6J6Hhyphenhyphena2HfBN5fsN8IAdrNnZ8DQBONtnUft6sXZvcozKc54DKTzmbpf4tOqLdMRg1171Sl2zIn77o8qyEwCMQ7yRa5woyBIIjJ6g8kP7sBzRGpwnn4M/s1600/rose.png" height="320" width="640" /></a></div>
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<blockquote>
It's become more and more clear that the city that I currently call home is really no longer home to me at all. Seattle, you've been kind to me. You've offered me a lovely place to hide out and pull myself together once again. You've taught me how to be independent & strong. Unfortunately, I have not felt truly myself since I left my true home, <i>Pennsylvania. </i>I don't know when exactly it happened, but it occurred to me the last time I was back home in March. I rushed home to see my grandfather who was battling cancer and was rapidly slipping away from us. I miss the air, the countryside, the sunrises, the people, the history, my loved ones... and the food. My grandfather had seen the world, twice over, and had the means to live anywhere he'd wish and he still felt fondly of where he grew up and lived there all his life. If that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
So that's plan, I need to be back on the east coast. Where everything, every one is within driving distance. I will live out the last months of my current lease, finish my degree and move home. Seattle, I've given you six years, and you still don't even compare. I still long for home. I'm thinking Philadelphia or even Chicago (where I'll most likely find work and is quickly becoming my second home) by next summer. All that I know is this time, this move <i>is going to be for me</i>. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="color: #999999;"> "Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration." <span style="text-align: center;">- Charles Dickens </span></span></i></blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-22332148414573045652014-08-11T16:54:00.000-07:002014-08-13T15:40:02.666-07:00overexposed, underdeveloped // reflections<div align="justify">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSFxsnkmg_XvnryUHrQ4M1lbEjSW1Ez2DOL7TqXPDiHZnSaK_OnaNSmEZQMBOr_ELor6uWLrAGzBcnZrz4hVapqld6BANnKiQ826JnnJEvFT3YvaNPpdfcJ18zT_IoCrG4LPk1y7zIW_G7/s1600/augustseries.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSFxsnkmg_XvnryUHrQ4M1lbEjSW1Ez2DOL7TqXPDiHZnSaK_OnaNSmEZQMBOr_ELor6uWLrAGzBcnZrz4hVapqld6BANnKiQ826JnnJEvFT3YvaNPpdfcJ18zT_IoCrG4LPk1y7zIW_G7/s1600/augustseries.png" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<blockquote>
My camera is fixed! Finally. I feel like I've reconnected with a part of my soul. It was odd not carrying it in my purse with me anymore, using my phone to take photographs. There have been so many missed photo opportunities. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
One of my fondest memories of my father is when he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. He, my brother and I spent the morning watching the sunrise on Rye beach in New Hampshire. My father and I were both taking photographs. Me with my little disposable camera and he with his beautiful Olympus. I had always been in such awe of that camera. And my father looked so cool using it. We came home had breakfast, and my brother started talking about how he wanted to be an archeologist. My dad then asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I ran to the bathroom crying and shut the door, I was too embarrassed. He came in after me and asked me again, I said, "a photographer" he laughed and said, "That's wonderful! But why are you crying?" I said, "Girls aren't photographers..." he then said, "Little bit, you can be whoever, whatever you want. Never let being a girl stop you." We shared a love for photography, it brought us closer. We would take trips together and photograph every thing we found beautiful, usually it was the same things. He'd surprise me with a new camera every so often, making sure I didn't give up on my dream. I'm such a lucky girl to have had such a supportive and loving father. He never discouraged me. <i>Thanks, Dad.</i></blockquote>
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<blockquote>
& I cannot stop listening to this cover. It's pretty perfect. </blockquote>
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<center>
<iframe frameborder="no" height="100" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/161884380&color=807e7e&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false" width="95%"></iframe></center>
Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-78284200001603426612014-07-27T21:00:00.001-07:002014-07-27T21:54:11.009-07:00generational synthetic // thoughts <div align="justify">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopNjBLee8I7SQEKyRtMNm7BEOESblw3X-gIKgwb4qchSP3ptxPiwmhH4MTZHeZlMBzliAV0VHjC7UsITESaOBS2d-B1tU-DcVOcrxIaEtuueEtiEmqBwUQOIkCjCkutNRCBGvj3ZvtTZD/s1600/playon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopNjBLee8I7SQEKyRtMNm7BEOESblw3X-gIKgwb4qchSP3ptxPiwmhH4MTZHeZlMBzliAV0VHjC7UsITESaOBS2d-B1tU-DcVOcrxIaEtuueEtiEmqBwUQOIkCjCkutNRCBGvj3ZvtTZD/s1600/playon.png" height="336" width="640" /></a></div>
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<blockquote>
This past year has been a rough one for me personally, emotionally and mentally. I blame it on turning twenty-six. I feel like I hit that proverbial wall that is my quarter-life crisis. Where I start questioning everything. I'm sure this is what every one goes through though, truly. Anyways, I got to thinking about my career and the things that make me the most happy. And something that became very clear to me over the past year is that I am only truly fulfilled and happy when I am giving back, helping others.<br />
<br />
I know I've learned this from my mother. She meant so much to so many people and sadly I only really understood this fully after her passing. On the day of her funeral, I watched a long row of cars in the rearview mirror that seemed to stretch over the horizon, all in long line following us to her final resting spot. It was at this moment when it hit me. Seeing all traffic in my tiny hometown come to a complete stop, to let us all pass, it took my breath away... <i>I knew I had to do right by her.</i> I knew it more than ever. My mother was always supportive, always. No matter what. Was only stern when she had to be. She was always a comfort to me. A safe, warm and inviting person to be around. Never judged, always kind. She would always put everyone else over herself, sometimes to a fault.<br />
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So, me being full of inspiration to do something meaningful with my life, I had an incredibly emotional discussion with a dear friend. Full of tears and heartache, but sometimes it just feels good to get it all out. I looked back at the past couple years and I couldn't help but be proud of where I am today. I could be in a worse place, and rightfully so after what I've been through. My entire life, turned upside down after the passing of my parents almost a year apart from each other. Watching them both battle cancer and the toll it took on their souls. I've always been an optimist, I can't help but always see the bright side of any situation - I think it's a mental crutch to be perfectly honest. I'm always protecting myself. Sure it gets tiring, but I really don't see anything wrong with it. I curbed a lifetime of sadness and depression by seeing that, sure these occurrences f*$^ing sucked, but they were completely out of my control. And there was nothing I could do to stop, fix or prevent them from happening. And it's not that I didn't care, grieve or feel the most horrific pain of my life... I've just decided to take that pain and turn it into something, something positive. I will not let it defeat me. I didn't suffer for nothing. I will say, it has taken me years to get to this point. I did not have this frame of mind directly after. It was only until that discussion I had, rare of me to even let the smallest bit of my feelings out, that I knew it.... All of the pain, all of the suffering, I knew I had put it to to good use. I'm not sure where this will take me, what journey I am about to embark on, but I am sure I will not regret the effort. This isn't the first time I've had this internal dialogue.<br />
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I also had a moment where I decided that I'm going to do what I love, put it out there and hope that someone out there enjoys it. Because one of the greatest things I've ever learned about being a creative type person is that you are never alone. That song that you can't stop listening to, that movie that pulls at your heart, that blouse you're lusting over, that piece of art that changed your life... I guarantee you someone else out there feels the same and it's all about putting yourself out there for that one person to see you, identify with you and create a bond through the things you love.<br />
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Life is short. It's time we all did a little soul searching to really focus on what makes us happy. I believe in happiness.<br />
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-46126983238742182502014-07-26T01:24:00.002-07:002014-07-27T20:25:36.697-07:00sometimes i remember wrong // thoughts<div align="justify">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggb6uf5-d9rhZqH-408TLn6h5IxAeobeAp8MwzDOGBBjxgwA1BrPHsuHMlo2o19lQMTQFmNnjOeO-tLol1dGfj_1YAo0GdjnHwEDhEg4wkJfIF_6F6wxojvUyTXqQdBO93LdLhbDbJyRQQ/s1600/untitled+shoot-154.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggb6uf5-d9rhZqH-408TLn6h5IxAeobeAp8MwzDOGBBjxgwA1BrPHsuHMlo2o19lQMTQFmNnjOeO-tLol1dGfj_1YAo0GdjnHwEDhEg4wkJfIF_6F6wxojvUyTXqQdBO93LdLhbDbJyRQQ/s1600/untitled+shoot-154.jpeg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
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Photographs | <a href="http://talithaphotography.com/">Talitha Bullock </a></div>
<blockquote>
To say I've had a stressful couple of weeks would be an understatement. You know that little voice inside your head, screaming, begging for you to listen to it. Yeah, well I did. For once, I did. I took a risk and it seems it might have been a pretty spectacular mistake. In hindsight, I'm glad I did it - it had to happen. For now, I will learn from it and hopefully move on.</blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-53734533946455043342014-02-01T16:42:00.000-08:002014-02-01T21:53:45.975-08:00washington coast // adventures<div align="justify">
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La Push, Washington | October 2013<ol>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-58120103511832080122014-01-27T17:31:00.001-08:002014-02-01T21:51:10.352-08:00southern summer // color files<div align="justify">
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<blockquote>
I love color, I really and truly do. In fact, I can be very opinionated about it. I've studied color theory and I feel color is purely an emotional and personal experience. How I feel about a certain shade of green, might make you go, "Ew no! I disagree!". My personal philosophy on color is that I feel that colors that occur naturally in nature have the most harmony. I personally love the color green, and all it's tints and shades. I've been getting a few color related jobs lately and thought I'd share a few of my color schemes. I love going through my own photography files and picking a photo that I really inspired me color-wise. I snapped this photo in Virginia at Colonial Williamsburg one summer. If you've never experienced a summer in the Southern United States, this photo sums it up perfectly. You'll experience the richest greens you've ever seen. Everything seems to glow. </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-91685801588720494932014-01-18T20:21:00.001-08:002014-01-18T20:23:12.620-08:00down the line // thoughts<div align="justify">
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Photographs by | <a href="http://talithaphotography.com/">Talitha Bullock </a></div>
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<i>Hello 2014</i>. I really, I mean really cannot believe it is 20<u>14.</u> Where has time gone? Wow. The past year has flown by incredibly fast, probably faster than any year before. I blame it on how outrageously busy I have become. My resolution last year was to simplify my life and focus on what really mattered to me. I am pleased to say that over the past year I have learned several valuable lessons and things are a lot clearer, more in focus. Last year was a year of introspection and trying to find myself. </blockquote>
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I fell out of my blogging grove a while back and it's been a little bit of struggle getting back into the swing of it so, I just gave up. One of my main resolutions this year is to get back into it. I want to use this blog as a place to curate my ideas, share things that I love and that inspire me, my designs, my work. I hope I can keep it up. </blockquote>
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<b>So, <i>Little Bit, </i>let's give this one more try. </b> </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-82053618774164810122013-09-08T16:39:00.001-07:002013-09-08T16:54:51.785-07:00day tripper // creations <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="297" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/73475155" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="700"></iframe>
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Just a little something I worked on with <a href="http://twoframefilms.com/">Two Frame Films</a> earlier this summer. Really it was just an excuse to play with their new Blackmagic Cinema Camera and hang out with my darling friend Jesse. Seattle really is beautiful in the summer, hardly ever rains ... don't tell anyone. </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-64333463737658709372013-06-06T17:40:00.000-07:002013-06-06T17:43:24.871-07:00year twenty-five // reflections<div align="justify">
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I know, I know it's been forever. Anyone still out there? </blockquote>
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Well, I return to you a year older, 25. Still questioning everything. Trying to live life to its fullest. Still laughing, creating, being a goofball, and dancing around like an absolute fool. Happier than I've been in a while. And although I do not have everything figured out yet, who does? Here's to another year! </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-71441424700929514292013-03-21T17:21:00.001-07:002013-03-21T17:21:58.130-07:00a much needed escape // adventures <div align="justify">
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I just returned home from a two week long holiday. I <i>desperately</i> needed to get out of Seattle. I visited my best friends and soaked up plenty sunshine. My trip started in beautiful, snowy Chicago and ended in Hawaii. I <i>love </i>traveling, and how it always centers me, gets me back on track, opens my eyes. I always feel so motivated and recharged after a nice trip. I get antsy and bored if I stay in one place for too long. <i>Apparently, I was born on the day of the frequent flyer. Couldn't be more true. </i></blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-61325904897266587302013-01-09T18:04:00.001-08:002013-01-10T01:26:08.081-08:00lately // instagram photos<div align="justify">
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Happy New Year! It's been awhile since I've last posted, forgive me. Am I the only one who is glad that 2012 is over? What year. Ick. I'm always so incredibly inspired by the turn of a new year. <i>Here's to a fresh start, new beginnings.</i></blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-5815260265465640392012-07-28T18:02:00.001-07:002012-08-24T00:03:20.247-07:00little white t-shirt // favorite things<div align="justify">
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My new years resolution this year was to simplify my life. This means over the past seven months, I've been tackling one section at a time, month by month. This month has been all about simplifying my closet. So, the other day, while cleaning and sorting through my wardrobe I noticed I had like twenty-five different plain white t-shirts, <i>"What the heck, Hayley!" </i>Okay, let me rewind a bit. I still have clothes I wore in Jr. High - I'm still the same size! <b><i>So,</i></b> because I can still fit into things, I keep'em! I mean, I have no reason to get rid of anything if it still fits (and I still wear it). Alas, this has turned me into a bit of a clothes hoarder. I love my white t-shirts and I probably wear too many of them. I just love their simplicity. I love pairing one with something like this skirt, to dress it down a bit. </blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-32318439519688608052012-07-24T20:31:00.000-07:002012-09-17T23:53:58.699-07:00colonial williamsburg // adventures<div align="justify">
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These photographs are from my visit to Colonial Williamsburg (VA), back in June. Where my grandfather has been a generous donor to the Raleigh Tavern Society for years. We were given the opportunity to stay in one of the historical homes (first photograph) in the heart of the colonial area. It was a really incredible experience to stay in an original structure from the 1700's. Granted, it was outfitted in all the modern day comforts, but tastefully done so. More than anything though, it was amazing to share this experience with my family, my whole family. It had been at least two years since we were all together.<span style="background-color: white;"> </span></blockquote>
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Looking back at these photos makes me homesick. I miss the east coast so, <i>so much. </i>I miss the lush green summers, the sound of crickets at night, the history, the charm. I remember when people would ask, "Where are you visiting from?" and my first instinct was to say "Pittsburgh" and I had to stop myself and say, "Oh, wait. Seattle, I'm living in Seattle." I'll always be an east coast girl, and Pennsylvania will <i>always, always, always</i> be my home.</blockquote>
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Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-82915319244196748622012-06-19T21:14:00.002-07:002012-07-24T20:30:13.141-07:00treehouse point // adventures<div align="justify">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">//</span> <i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.treehousepoint.com/">treehouse point</a> //</span></i></div>
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Back in early May, I spent my birthday at a resort where you get your very own treehouse to stay in. It was such a magical experience. Each treehouse is handcrafted and unique. If you're ever in the Seattle area, I highly suggest you checking it out. It's only a thirty minute drive outside the city. </blockquote>
</div>Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685790169639903814.post-25415846128747971882012-06-18T17:22:00.000-07:002012-06-18T17:23:55.865-07:00lately // phone photos<div align="justify">
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Quite a few things have happened since my last post. I bet you thought I'd never return! First, my youngest brother came to Seattle for the first time and stayed for a week. Second, I was on the east coast <span style="background-color: white;">for two weeks and spent time with my family. Third, I've finished out another school year, all while working almost full time. Oh and fourth, I celebrated my twenty-fourth year in a treehouse (more about that later)!</span><span style="background-color: white;"> It's finally summer, and I'm excited to have more time to blog. </span></blockquote>
</div>Hayley Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345322682927711362noreply@blogger.com1